TXTS FRM LST NGHT

(940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
(1-940): you’re not innocent… Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can’t label yourself innocent.

(864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

(203): The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled “why don’t i have a girlfriend?” the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single

(516): Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?

(732): no… you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

(703): in the ‘for’ section of the check i put “when we got drunk and broke things”. again im sorry.

(630): i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom

(607): Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.

(201): she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart

(773): not allowed to tweet this cos she’s following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.