textsfromlastnight.com on your dashboard

(403): You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn’t lose you if you went pee in the dark.

(641): My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.

(309): Let’s not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.

(580): I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

(509): Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?

(734): this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card.

(651): I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt.

(281): Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I’m gonna get laid. She’s by far the coolest sister you have.

(316): Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call…

(609): Just put your hair in a bun. We’re going out to drink, not to impress people.

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