TXTS FRM LST NGHT
2009
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
(954): I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey “see you thursday”. I seriously...
Nov 25th
(847): can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at… ...
Nov 25th
(773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch...
Nov 25th
(980): I’m going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with...
Nov 25th
(847): Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nov 25th
(847): my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil...
Nov 25th
(650): you went into starbucks asked for a mocha “on the rocks”
Nov 25th
(262): i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple’s...
Nov 25th
(810): I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the...
Nov 25th
(970): What did you want me to do? You know I don’t like fat people. I’m an asshole to...
Nov 25th
(502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven’t gotten laid that easy since I told your sister...
Nov 25th
(321): you made me “pop lock and drop it” as a sobriety test last night..
Nov 25th
(312): i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting……..he totally...
Nov 24th
(410): i know we’re in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care...
Nov 24th
(806): Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nov 24th
(541): plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Nov 24th
(865): Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of...
Nov 24th
(718): walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :) ...
Nov 24th
(646): vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nov 24th
(610): craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nov 24th
(610): i just heard one Asian kid say to another, “i bet if i could get into Harvard i could...
Nov 24th
(813): i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nov 24th
(336): pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nov 24th
(978): I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people (617): I would be honored to be...
Nov 24th
(650): We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the...
Nov 24th
(203): the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them ...
Nov 24th
(845): Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn’t get much...
Nov 24th
(609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole...
Nov 24th
(859): I’m going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nov 24th
(613): Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we...
Nov 24th
(509): I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to...
Nov 24th
(763): i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nov 24th
(985): I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nov 24th
(415): some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was...
Nov 24th
(303): she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college...
Nov 24th
(304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nov 24th
(503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nov 24th
(419): Okay so if I’m going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a...
Nov 24th
(215): i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nov 24th
(818): Everything about him screamed your future.
Nov 24th
(708): either she doesn’t know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw...
Nov 24th
(+41): look mate, i’m pretty sure 14 texts saying “fuck me. fuck me now” more than...
Nov 24th
(708): i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Nov 24th
(313): I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I...
Nov 24th
(507): Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it...
Nov 24th
(937): he is so annoying (513): so stop sleeping with him (937): yeah but he is so hot when...
Nov 24th
(330): Don’t tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nov 24th
(910): after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nov 24th
(716): is it bad that now that my boyfriend no longer has a blackberry and can’t bbm i no...
Nov 24th
(832): I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I’m not able to have sex for a...
Nov 24th
(561): How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially...
Nov 23rd
(412): I’m drinking while I write this paper. When I can’t see the screen anymore...
Nov 23rd
(607): just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nov 23rd
(541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered...
Nov 23rd
(909): he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news “twilight...
Nov 23rd
(860): WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD...
Nov 23rd
(248): so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college...
Nov 23rd
(619): our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nov 23rd
(845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nov 23rd
(406): I need a leather bustier to keep them in. (925): Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that. ...
Nov 23rd
(551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he’s...
Nov 23rd
(269): i’m at a baby shower….never been happier to not be having sex currently ...
Nov 23rd
(214): New first…just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers…kids and all. God, i...
Nov 23rd
(585): So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nov 23rd
(609): Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four...
Nov 23rd
(712): I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back...
Nov 23rd
(980): i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nov 23rd
(540): we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is...
Nov 23rd
(732): Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my...
Nov 23rd
(207): I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they...
Nov 23rd
(404): I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer (678): you spelled her name wrong (404): not you too!! ...
Nov 23rd
(858): Life is so much better after having sex.
Nov 23rd
(763): I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night...
Nov 23rd
(304): Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me… Thank god ...
Nov 23rd
(818): Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nov 23rd
(970): totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just...
Nov 23rd
(618): bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Nov 23rd
(339): Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Nov 23rd
(727): Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nov 23rd
(512): what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nov 23rd
(781): video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nov 23rd
(727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to ‘teach her the ways of the force’....
Nov 23rd
(614): just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn’t even flinch.
Nov 23rd
(917): the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team...
Nov 23rd
(403): That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nov 23rd
(612): I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nov 22nd
(770): his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nov 22nd
(812): Ughh on my way to the bathroom now… literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off...
Nov 22nd
(214): I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some. ...
Nov 22nd
(803): you wouldnt answer to anything but devil’s advocate all night.
Nov 22nd
(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nov 22nd
(864): we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nov 22nd
(615): His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nov 22nd
(864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nov 22nd
(940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl...
Nov 22nd
(203): The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled “why don’t i have a...
Nov 22nd
(516): Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nov 22nd
(732): no… you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to...
Nov 22nd
(703): in the ‘for’ section of the check i put “when we got drunk and broke...
Nov 22nd
(720): He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being...
Nov 22nd
(607): Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs...
Nov 22nd
(630): i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my...
Nov 22nd
(201): she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart ...
Nov 22nd
(773): not allowed to tweet this cos she’s following me but i definitely just got head in a...
Nov 22nd
(213): the sex was “jacking off to playboy” bad.
Nov 22nd
(202): Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it ...
Nov 22nd
(828): you made wolf sounds and yelled “team me” the entire movie
Nov 22nd
(626): that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress. ...
Nov 22nd
(785): it’s all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nov 22nd
(513): She’s mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nov 22nd
(850): I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught...
Nov 22nd
(765): I think she kind of thinks she’s better than us now … please. I go to Michigan. ...
Nov 22nd
(516): I wish “capable of destroying an innocent girl’s life” is something I could...
Nov 22nd
(416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nov 22nd
(678): After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your...
Nov 22nd
(216): There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me— at our table. I hate them. But they’re not...
Nov 22nd
(917): I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nov 22nd
(214): Oh this totally just became legit. My “boss” is puking outside my car right now....
Nov 22nd
(732): wait so…it’s like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head?...
Nov 22nd
(203): i feel like pocahontas…the disney character not from real chance of love
Nov 22nd
(832): Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made...
Nov 22nd
(201): You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nov 22nd
(408): I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search...
Nov 22nd
(580): That’s it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything. ...
Nov 22nd
(507): and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred...
Nov 22nd
(704): you just used “cock block” and “youth group” in the same sentence....
Nov 22nd
(630): Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn’t realize tillz afta how...
Nov 22nd
(262): I wish they made helmets for livers.
Nov 22nd
(337): Pls don’t use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again. ...
Nov 22nd
(718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could...
Nov 22nd
(303): she was so “full of love” from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a...
Nov 22nd
(248): Dude…I’m drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nov 22nd
(623): Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nov 22nd
(209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70’s purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else....
Nov 22nd
(647): im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back “you...
Nov 22nd
(239): Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nov 22nd
(212): Apparently the guard had to repeat “you’re too drunk to get in” three times...
Nov 22nd
(603): Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Nov 22nd
(937): I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nov 22nd
(231): I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn’t even hot. Rock bottom. ...
Nov 22nd
(512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nov 22nd
(703): im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom....
Nov 22nd
(310): Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nov 22nd
(253): just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or...
Nov 22nd
(360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his...
Nov 22nd
(864): A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro’s who had to endure the NEW MOON...
Nov 21st
(904): if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nov 21st
(401): Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the...
Nov 21st
(631): hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings...
Nov 21st
(931): I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party… I need those P90X...
Nov 21st
(406): That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nov 20th
(201): So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I’m having chipotle for...
Nov 20th
(586): Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer….i felt like i dropped his...
Nov 20th
(253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who’s got a new jumior...
Nov 20th
(910): Girls should come with a carfax report
Nov 20th
(847): I’m watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nov 20th
(630): That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nov 20th
(716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex ...
Nov 20th
(480): We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump...
Nov 20th
(614): you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that...
Nov 20th
(330): Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt. ...
Nov 20th
(636): they bought blue cups instead of red…wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna...
Nov 20th
(617): I’ve had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and...
Nov 20th
(775): A lady just asked me if you “seat yourselves” here at qdoba. I told her yea and...
Nov 20th
(720): haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept...
Nov 20th
(734): Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you’re diagnosing...
Nov 20th
(910): phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero...
Nov 20th
(817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman’s suffrage with a girls gone wild...
Nov 20th
(859): $1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nov 20th
(720): we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance...
Nov 20th
(703): the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it’s biggest....
Nov 20th
(651): well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nov 20th
(330): Just told the nurse I wouldn’t get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nov 20th
(205): This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes’...
Nov 20th
(956): It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nov 20th
(818): I’m drunk and I’m watching it’s Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am...
Nov 20th
(314): he changed my name in his contacts to “rick”, so his mom wouldn’t know he...
Nov 20th
(262): I need a booty call who doesn’t know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nov 20th
(757): if i see another status about New Moon, i’m gonna punch a baby
Nov 20th
(540): Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of “stalking” behavior, I either have...
Nov 20th
(757): It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I...
Nov 20th
(678): while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight,...
Nov 20th
(330): It’s just like the Real World with babies
Nov 20th
(970): I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn’t cuz my dick would feel...
Nov 20th
(513): just opened a can of spagetti o’s with a butter knife. the things u will do for food...
Nov 20th
(612): Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can’t?
Nov 20th
(609): the boobs are fake… i feel like i just found out santa isn’t real.
Nov 20th
(303): I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven’t been washed since vomiting in them on...
Nov 20th
(209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally...
Nov 20th
(301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and...
Nov 19th
(514): take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed… you were not that drunk. ...
Nov 19th
(905): Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nov 19th
(208): Five girls, one freshman pledge. We’re like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Nov 19th
(954): i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every...
Nov 19th
(407): wicked high…have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nov 19th
(518): just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her ...
Nov 19th
(510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you...
Nov 19th
(407): He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nov 19th
(505): I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups...
Nov 19th
(775): soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere...
Nov 19th
(859): this just has baby written all over it
Nov 19th
(816): I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid...
Nov 19th
(+44): phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that…
Nov 19th
(914): There’s a girl in my class named “La-a” pronouced “Luh Dash uh”...
Nov 19th
(386): I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph...
Nov 19th
(912): I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I’ve done enough...
Nov 19th
(907): she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone… I’m sensing...
Nov 19th
(305): The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that’s customer service. ...
Nov 19th
(317): just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes...
Nov 19th
(856): Vanessa Carlton’s songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nov 19th
(706): Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It’s a good day.
Nov 19th
(818): I just ran into the couch, vagina first. (1-818): I hope you got dinner out of it
Nov 19th
(334): you know i’m gay cause i’d have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say...
Nov 19th
(224): It’s 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History...
Nov 19th
(614): Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no...
Nov 19th
(617): a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you3 ...
Nov 19th
(614): I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now ...
Nov 19th
(850): She said she didn’t think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just...
Nov 19th
(978): you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nov 19th
(909): i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and...
Nov 19th
(860): Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my...
Nov 19th
(609): he actually proposed, and i threw up on him…i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea. ...
Nov 19th
(757): adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nov 19th
(254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver...
Nov 19th
(210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made...
Nov 19th
(716): angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me...
Nov 19th
(707): that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps?...
Nov 19th
(508): Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nov 19th
(321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could...
Nov 19th
(416): when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the...
Nov 19th
(518): wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision ...
Nov 19th
(305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There’s red flags...
Nov 19th
(251): She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it...
Nov 19th
(203): We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nov 19th
(320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying “where’s my cow? Is it...
Nov 19th
(636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you “the...
Nov 19th
(347): k so who do I think I’m kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a...
Nov 19th
(904): my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Nov 19th
(250): Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to...
Nov 19th
(603): Just found the book “How to Stay Christian in College” on my roommates desk. At a...
Nov 19th
(306): This is the LAST time i’m accepting the excuse “tequila made me do it”....
Nov 19th
(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my...
Nov 19th
(516): please take me off your list of people to text when you don’t want to drink by...
Nov 19th
(631): our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college ...
Nov 19th
(917): It’s so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets...
Nov 19th
(630): She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket… ...
Nov 19th
(217): You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling “I look good”, when really you...
Nov 19th
(501): All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nov 19th
(847): I’m in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks...
Nov 19th
(514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nov 19th
(214): i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nov 19th
(304): please tell me you remember why “7 days” is written above my bed in red marker ...
Nov 19th
(301): woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for...
Nov 19th
(303): I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon...
Nov 19th
(423): I don’t know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied….when...
Nov 19th
(651): i’m smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nov 17th
(215): Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed “Delta...
Nov 17th
(309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i’m still...
Nov 17th
(206): I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nov 17th
(630): which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november? ...
Nov 17th
(320): I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus… I need to get the...
Nov 17th
(304): you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nov 17th
(856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nov 17th
(412): i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don’t cut my hair for a...
Nov 17th
(610): I Just realized that having a picture folder that says “not for mom” may give off...
Nov 17th
(781): PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I...
Nov 17th
(252): U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nov 17th
(304): You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing “Revenge Faces”.
Nov 17th
(321): even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nov 17th
(918): I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency...
Nov 17th
(253): i just googled “who won the civil war” . how can i still have a 97% in this...
Nov 17th
(203): THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nov 17th
(617): Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl…all I could imagine was that...
Nov 17th
(956): Looking at the victoria’s secret website makes the ice cream I’m eating taste...
Nov 17th
(708): You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nov 17th
(334): Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, “are those really guys I had sex...
Nov 17th
(512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to “man up” when it...
Nov 17th
(203): franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nov 17th
(716): a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz ...
Nov 17th
(474): Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer… I feel like I’m actually IN...
Nov 16th
(303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and...
Nov 16th
(225): at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party… who says my birthday...
Nov 16th
(310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nov 16th
(415): the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA’s turned into a gold...
Nov 16th
(214): Let’s just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nov 16th
(631): She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nov 16th
(914): Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nov 16th
(847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can’t afford a...
Nov 16th
(516): Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nov 16th
(314): I’m actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I’m like Switzerland with a...
Nov 16th
(727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?…. My driveway ...
Nov 16th
(610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies
Nov 16th
(443): i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nov 16th
(251): I’m so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nov 16th
(908): is wine microwaveable?
Nov 16th
(573): Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn’t affect your liver in real life.
Nov 16th
(715): I’ve been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke...
Nov 16th
(609): I just got a bj @ my old preschool…my childhood memories r all ruined
Nov 16th
(662): We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac. ...
Nov 16th
(908): Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nov 16th